Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Randomize
