After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
