why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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