Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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