I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
