I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just found puke in my bra..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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