ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
where are you?
Hypothermia
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
