Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
