Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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