what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
