So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
