he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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