we're chasing vodka with high fives
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
