i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
