did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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