Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
