1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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