Plan B is the new Plan A
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
