Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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