do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
