Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
