He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
