What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My bed smells like the plague
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
