Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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