Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
