I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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