If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
