Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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