The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
