When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
