dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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