I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
