O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
