If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
