my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
