Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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