Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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