and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
