Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
