Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
