so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
