It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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