she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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