dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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