i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So. Much. Porn.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
