i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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