Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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