If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
