she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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