I think im going to throw up on grandma
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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