I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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